


Until You Were Gone

by fairylightshowell



Category: Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: 2012!Phan, Angst, Drama, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairylightshowell/pseuds/fairylightshowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil have been dating for 3 years, but things start to go south towards the end of 2011. In 2012, they start ignoring each other and not talking. Halfway into the year, they break up and split apart, causing Dan to move on, while Phil is still attached. Dan finds a new love when he moves back home. 3 and a half years later, on New Year's Eve, he proposes to his girlfriend of 3.5 years. He hasn't fully moved on as Phil is there when he proposes to his girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until You Were Gone

**Author's Note:**

> okay so just an fyi, for anyone just reading this, i was working on a sequel but i stopped watching dan and phil as much so i abandoned it completely. and recently i stopped watching them all together and left the phandom so there won't be a continuation to this fic.

12:00

“HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!” blasted through the television speakers. 

Dan and Phil passionately kissed each other on the lips. This was their first New Year’s kiss. Dan was finally glad that he got to share his first New Year’s kiss with Phil. But something didn’t feel right. Dan opened his eyes and looked at Phil. He quickly pulled away from the kiss. 

“Is something wrong?” Phil asked nervously. Dan shrugged. He didn’t know how to answer. He sat there trying to think of a response. “My throat is really dry.” He got up and ran to the kitchen to ‘get a drink’. Instead, he ran to the bathroom and locked himself in there.

He looked at himself in the mirror. No matter how long he stared at his face, all he saw was a different person. He felt disgusted with himself. He looked at himself one last time before bursting into a puddle of tears. He tried to make sure his sobs were quiet enough, so Phil wouldn’t hear. 

Phil began to worry on Dan and searched the whole apartment for him. He eventually gave up looking for him, when he walked past the bathroom and heard a muffled sob. He knocked on the door. “Dan are you okay?” The muffled sob stopped and he heard a door unlock. Dan walked out of the bathroom and straight past Phil. “I’m fine.” He said without stopping. He walked to his bedroom and slammed his door shut. Phil began to worry even more.

-

Dan woke up the next morning with red eyes and a tear stained pillow. This wasn’t the first time he woke up like this. He checked his phone for the time. 10:56. Did he have anywhere to be today? Surely not, considering it’s the first of January. He got out of bed and stretched. The cold winter air his his bare chest as he rose out of bed. He frantically looked for a jumper to put on. 

He walked out of his room quietly, hoping Phil wouldn’t be awake yet. He quietly snuck to the bathroom, but was caught by Phil. Dammit he thought to himself. “Is everything okay?” Phil asked reassuringly. Dan turned around and nodded. “I’m fine.” Phil looked at him and frowned, but didn’t say anything. Dan quickly rushed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He splashed his face with water. He hoped that Phil didn’t see the redness in his eyes. The last thing he’d want is to have Phil worry about him even more.

Once he was done rinsing last night’s tears off, he walked to the kitchen for some breakfast. He grabbed a bowl and began to pour his cereal. For once, Phil hadn’t eaten it all. He didn’t eat in the lounge, like he normally does, but instead in his room. Phil sees him walk into his room, but doesn’t bother saying hi. He just wishes he knew what was wrong.

-

Dan only left his room once that day, and it was to do laundry. Phil saw him sneak by and ran out of his room. “Daniel James Howell, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I’ll,” He stuttered. Dan turned around and smurked. “Do what?” Phil glared at him. “Just please tell me what’s wrong. I miss talking to you.” he said with a frown. Dan’s expression changed into a sinister glare. “Nothing’s wrong! Just leave me alone for god’s sake!” He ran back into his room and slammed his door. Phil walked over to his door and jiggled the handle. Of course, it was locked. “Dan,” he called out. “Please, just tell me that you’re not mad at me.” He sank down onto the floor as he waited for a response. Dan didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t. Well, not verbally. He burst into tears as he thought about the question he was asked. “I don’t know.” Dan cried out through the thin door. “I don’t know! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” he continued. Phil couldn’t bear to see him like this. He just wanted to hug him, but he knew that would only make things worse.

Phil waited there at the bottom of Dan’s door all night. He didn’t plan for it to happen, but he fell asleep. He woke up from Dan opening the door and him falling backwards. He let out a tiny scream as he fell onto Dan’s feet. “What the fuck?” Dan swore as his flatmate fell onto his feet. “What are you doing outside my bedroom door?” Phil picked himself up and stood in front of Dan. “I sat here last night when you ran back to your room, and I guess I fell asleep, sorry.” He apologized. Dan didn’t bother reacting, he just pushed Phil put of the way and walked to the kitchen. 

Phil followed him into the kitchen and stared at him. “What do you want? Can’t a man eat his cereal in peace?” Dan asked. “No,” Phil quickly replied. “Not when he’s been avoiding his best friend for 2 days straight.” he placed a hand on his hip, to show sass. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Phil asked once again. Dan turned to him and sucked in his cheek. “Why do you care so much?” He finally responded with. 

“I care because I love you, Dan.” Phil said on the verge of tears. 

Love. That word echoed in Dan’s head. 

Dan collapsed onto the ground and burst into tears again. He loudly sobbed into his hands. Phil quickly sat down beside him and hugged him. Dan molded his body into Phil’s as he continued to cry. Phil hated to see him like this, but this was the only bodily contact they’ve shared since New Year’s. They sat like this for ages. Once Dan finally felt better, he finished pouring his cereal and went back to his room. 

-

They haven’t spoken to each other in weeks. Neither Dan or Phil have tweeted or uploaded a video in months. Despite his channel being drier than the Atacama Desert, Dan was still gaining subscribers. His channel was nearing 1 million subscribers. He never even thought of his channel reaching such a milestone. 

He checked the comments on the last video he made. New comments were still being posted. “When are you going to post again? ;-;” read a comment by KittyMaster101. That comment had almost 3,000 thumbs up. He was sure that more people were wondering the same thing. He closed his laptop and set up his camera. 

“Hello Internet…”

-

January 30th, 2012 was his roommate’s 25th birthday. Even though Dan was being “anti-Phil”, he still had to get him a birthday present. He wasn’t really sure what to get him, seeing that his interests have changed and hasn’t bothered to see what he’s into now. Before Dan knew it, it was the morning of Phil’s birthday and he still did not have a gift for his mate. He quickly got dressed and headed for some local shops. 

Phil knew that Dan would forget about his birthday. Phil woke up early that day, hoping Dan would still be asleep. He couldn’t bear to look at Dan anymore without feeling pain in his chest. When he left his room, he saw Dan’s door open. He knocked on it upon entering. Dan wasn’t in his room, which meant that he was already awake. Dammit.

Before he could walk down the corridor, Phil heard the front door of the flat, slam shut. He walked downstairs and was greeted by a familiar face. They made awkward eye contact before saying anything. “You’re never awake this early.” Phil said looking at the time on his phone. Dan handed Phil a box before walking away. “Happy Birthday.” Phil examined the box and noticed it was wrapped in red paper with the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!” scattered upon it. “Thanks.” Phil said as Dan walked away. 

Instead of feeling bad, Phil decided that he should invite some friends over. He called Peej, Chris, Wirrow and Bryony and invited them over for the night. They all brought Phil a gift, and even got him a small cake. Dan never came out of his room once that night, which made everyone but Phil worry. It was normal for Dan to stay in his room all night. “Is Dan okay, Phil? He hasn’t come out of his room once.” Peej asked worriedly. Phil tried to think of a response, but all he could come up with was he’s avoiding me. “He must be working on something.” He lied. 

-

Valentine’s Day. The holiday Dan never found special. Phil pulled up the video that he made for Dan, some years ago. He watched a small portion of it and instantly felt that pain in his chest. How could someone who loved him so much, just not care anymore? The pain in his chest grew larger and larger as he started to cry. He ran into the bathroom and locked himself in there. 

Dan hasn’t showered in some days and decided that he should at least take care of his health. He left his room and headed for the bathroom, but as he approached it, he heard a loud heaving noise. He couldn’t make out who it belonged to, but he remembered that he only lived with one other person. That other person being Phil. 

He jiggled the door knob, but it was locked. Of course. Dan started to knock on the door. “Phil? Are you okay?” Phil quickly picked his head up from his knees and started crying even more. Why does he care now? This only made Dan worry more as he started banging on the door. “PHIL!” Dan yelled. Phil, still crying, got up and opened the door. He faced Dan, tears still pouring down his face. Dan saw how much he was crying and was instantly filled with regret. “Why do you care now?” Phil said wiping his face with his sleeve. “What, you hear crying in the bathroom and you get all worried?” He said crying more than he was before. “I have done nothing but sit here and wonder why you ignore me!” Dan looks at him and is filled with anger. How could he do this to his best friend? 

He pushes Phil out of the way and slams the door in his face. Dan starts the shower and removes his clothes. While he’s showering, he thinks about how much of an asshole he’s been to Phil lately. It’s not his fault! He’s never fallen in love before, he doesn’t know how this works! He’s only ever had his parents as an example, but they were divorced by the time he was 10. He told himself that he’s not going to cry over some man. That man being his roommate. 

-

Phil’s annual trip to Florida with his family is around the corner, and he’s never been so happy to finally get away from Dan, granted it’s only for a week. He packed his suitcase a couple hours before his flight. He looked around his room once more, making sure he didn’t forget anything. He walked downstairs and saw Dan sitting in the lounge. “I’m going to the airport,” Phil said looking at Dan. “cya in a week.” Dan didn’t bother looking up from his laptop. “K.” He dragged his suitcase out the door and grabbed his uber to the airport. He met his family there and went on his flight. 

The flight to Florida felt longer this time, maybe because he didn’t sleep. Once him and his family got to Florida, they drove to their hotel and checked in. Phil had a room to himself this trip, I guess since Martyn couldn't attend. Phil unpacked his things and put away his clothes. once he was done, he grabbed his laptop and started scrolling through Twitter. His notifications nowadays are just people asking “When r u gonna upload again??” He didn't have an answer to that, to be honest. 

He checked his phone to see if he had any messages. There was one, but it was just an automatic message from his carrier, letting him know how much data he had left. His last text message to Dan was before New Year’s, asking if he had the supplies for the party. He was debating if he should text Dan or not, to at least let him know that he arrived safely in Florida. He chose not to. He locked his phone and laid down on his bed. 

-

Phil and his parents were going sight seeing today. Phil wanted to go mini-golfing instead, but he didn't want to argue with his parents. Phil’s been to Florida many times, so he’s seen a lot of the touristy attractions already. He heard his phone go off, it made the same sound as when he gets a text message. Before reaching for his phone, he hopes it’s Dan. Hoping that he cares if Phil made it to Florida safely. But it wasn't Dan. It was his friend asking if he was in London. He texted a quick “No, I’m in Florida actually.” and locked his phone. He wonders if Dan even cares anymore. 

What Phil doesn't know, is that Dan does care. He just has a funny way of showing it. Dan cares about him more than anything, but he just doesn't know how to show it. He doesn't know how to treat Phil like he deserves to be treated. He knows that if he keeps acting like this, Phil will leave him and find someone better. He doesn't want that to happen. 

Phil opens his phone and opens up the message with him and Dan. He hovers his thumb over the keyboard. He typed out “I’m in Florida by the way, just in case you wanted to know. Which I doubt you care.” but he didn't send it. He locks his phone and puts it back in his jean pocket and pays attention to the tour guide. 

It's funny how Phil feels more comfortable without Dan around. He feels like he can do anything without having to worry about bumping into his roommate. He knows that Dan is over 4.4k miles away from him, and won't bump into him. His chest finally doesn't have that constant aching pain it always had. He finally feels happy. He finally feels genuinely happy to be far away from Daniel Howell. 

-

Phil dreaded going back to England. Well, not England, but going back to his apartment where Dan lives. He enjoyed the week without Dan being in the same area as him, but he missed London. He packed up his things and headed for the airport. As he’s in the uber to the airport, he wonders if the queen will greet him with her corgi. He giggles quietly to that thought. Luckily, no one seems to notice that he laughs at nothing. 

When he gets to the airport, he’s informed that his flight has been delayed for an hour. Thank God. he thought to himself. He has an extra hour away from Dan. He started thinking, what if he doesn't go back to the apartment right away? What if he spent a couple nights at a hotel or something? Would Dan notice? Phil didn’t think heavily on it and just decided that he would spend a couple nights at a hotel. Surely, Dan wouldn't care, right?

-

A month after Phil came back from his annual Family Florida trip, he recorded and uploaded a video that no one saw coming.

“Farewell” read the title. 

He made the video public and tweeted a link to the video. He hasn't done anything on social media in almost half a year, so you could predict the response his fans showed. The video was only 5 minutes long, but made everyone cry. Everyone, including Dan. 

“Hey guys! Phil here. Um, I don't know exactly what to say.. The title explains it all really. No, I'm not taking a break from YouTube, but I'm moving out of the flat. Which means, Dan and I won’t be living together anymore. But don’t worry, we’re still friends, I just have some issues of my own that will make me be up home for a while. So, to end this on a happy note, why don’t we look on some amazing memories that were made in this apartment!” 

By the time the video was over, Phil felt like he just betrayed nearly a million people. And one of those people being Dan. 

Dan watched the video, and immediately started to cry. He closed his laptop and shoved his face into his pillow. He stayed like that for a couple of minutes. He reopened his laptop and finished watching the video, still crying. Once he reached the end of the video, he wiped off the tears with his sleeve and knocked on Phil’s bedroom door. Phil didn’t answer. “Phil,” Dan said on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry about everything! Just please, don’t leave!” Phil got up and opened his door. He looked at Dan and saw his tears. This didn’t bother him like it did the other countless times. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I can’t stay here anymore. It’s like living with a ghost.” Phil finally said after seconds of silence. “Sides, you’ve been treating me like an ass, like as if you didn’t care about my feelings.” Phil slammed the door in Dan’s face. 

Dan slid down Phil’s closed door and broke down completely. He knew this day would come, but he didn't think it would come so soon. Dan managed to walk back into his room. He fell onto his bed and opened his laptop. He immediately opened Twitter and checked his notifications. They all said different variations of “Is Phil really moving out??” He shakily typed out a tweet. 

“Yes, to answer all of your questions, Phil really is moving out.” he hit send and watched his replies go nuts, all over again. He was just as sad as everyone else. His first best friend wanted nothing to do with him, despite what he said in the video. He knew that Phil would hate him for the rest of his life and that they would never talk again. Phil only said that “they would still be friends” so no one thought that they hated each other. 

-

A week and a half later and Dan and Phil no long lived together. Dan tried not to cry when he woke up and knew what day it was. Dan tried his best not to cry when Phil packed everything into a moving truck. Dan definitely did not break down when Phil didn’t hug Dan goodbye. Dan didn’t care about trying anymore, his best friend was gone and out of his life for forever. He knew that him and Phil would never talk again. 

Phil traveled up north, back to his hometown. Miles and miles away from Dan. He was relieved, but sad at the same time. It was like they were going back to square 1 all over again. Except this time, they won’t ever see each other ever again. 

Dan couldn't take it. As soon as Phil drove away, he ran back inside and started looking for apartments back in his hometown. There was no way he was going to live in the same apartment that his best friend left him in, for the rest of his life. He called his mom and told him what had happened. She told him that it would be okay for him to come back home and stay with her until he found a place. 

4 Years Later

12:00

“HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!” blasted through the television speakers. 

Dan and Kaitlyn passionately kissed each other on the lips. This was their third New Year’s kiss. Dan was finally glad that he got to share his first New Year’s kiss with Kaitlyn. And everything felt right. Dan opened his eyes and looked at Kaitlyn. He closed his eyes and deepened the kiss. 

Dan had finally found the one. He had finally gotten over Phil. He had finally found his best friend. He had finally found his forever. 

Him and Kaitlyn have been together for 3.5 years. They met a little after Dan had returned to Workingham. Kaitlyn knew what Dan was going through, as it happened to her before. They became close over their similar pasts. 

Dan drunkenly asked Kaitlyn out when they went out for drinks. He had no memory from the night before, but he remembered that he had asked Kaitlyn out. They’ve been together ever since that night in 2013. 

And tonight, Dan asked Kaitlyn to marry him right before midnight on December 31st, 2015. Kaitlyn had said yes, and as soon as it hit midnight, they kissed under the moonlight, sharing their third New Year’s kiss. 

Dan couldn’t of been any happier. 

Dan knew that Phil was just some silly ex of his past he would forget about over time. 

Dan knew that he should stop caring about Phil and move on. 

Dan knew that Phil probably forgot about him. 

But Dan knew Phil wasn’t some just silly ex of his past he would forget about over time. 

But Dan knew that he never stopped caring about Phil. 

But Dan knew that Phil never forgot about Dan. 

He knew this, because he saw Phil, standing there, as proposed to Kaitlyn. 

And kissed Kaitlyn on New Year’s. 

Just like he kissed Phil on New Year’s

4 years ago...


End file.
